Wait a second while I go cut off my hand now

“Oh, I shouldn’t have done that,” she said.

Becky.

I just met her today while taking paparazzi photos of Natasha in a secret room of the Library. We turned many corners in order to get to this secret enclave that was full of hoary senior folk hunched over their desks typing at their computers.

One of them talked about her son’s MTV internship. Cool. Maybe this group won’t be so awkward.

Twenty minutes later Becky comes over and I introduce myself by holding out my hand. HimynameisKlarikait’snicetomeetyouandhereismyhand.

I don’t even know why I offer my hand; I hate shaking hands.

One. I have sweaty hands. I’m doing you a favor by refusing.

But I thrust my hand in her face and she doesn’t hesitate.

“Oh, I shouldn’t have done that,” she said. “I’m sick.”

COME AGAIN?

“Oh, that’s okay, I don’t care.” CLEARLY LYING.

Staring at my shoes trying to ignore my diseased right hand that has now touched my phone, my keys, my door, my steering wheel, my camera.

I think I’m fallin’ in love with the one with the most ass
Thin, lil’ bitty waist, I’ma go and buy that bitch a Volkswagen

”

— MJG, I’m In Love With A Stripper Remix

The Opposite of Adults (KIDS)- Chiddy Bang ft. MGMT

Will somebody tell Roth that I don’t love college

Chiddy Bang’s entire album (The Swelly Express) is about his dream and how hard he had to work. It strikes me as Kanye-esque, but not as annoying. The difference would be that Chiddy Bang doesn’t get God Complex in your face about it.

I like it, and you can download six tracks for free here.

I’m in love with a stripper- T-Pain

Yea shit, you know
You got them big ass hips, god damn

Got the body of a goddess
Got eyes butter pecan brown I see you girl

Just when you thought the lyrics might be somewhat profound. Not gonna lie though, the song is sexual